in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
