Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
