Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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