there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
