I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
