Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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