You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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