I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
