Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
