tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
