Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
