you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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