Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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