i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
