my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
