this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i think i have two assholes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
