she woke up with a sticky ear
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
