i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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