Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
