Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
