Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
do nipples grow back?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
