Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
