Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
