dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
