I could make wine with my vomit
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
