After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
