morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
