OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize