I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
