The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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