You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
