He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
