fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
