nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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