So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
