Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
