You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
