Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
