So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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