I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
