I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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