Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know her cup size but not her name....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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