cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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