David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
