Whod you bang
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
