If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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