don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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