This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
