the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think i have two assholes
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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