I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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