why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
