I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
