omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
