Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
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