i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
