We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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