i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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