you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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