Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
