Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
