Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sext me about skeletons
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
