you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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