Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
