the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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