Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
