Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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