I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
