Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So many bounce houses so little time
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
