he thought i was a dude.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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