I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
