She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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