Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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