she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
