I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize