Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
