omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
